The following is a form-letter for blowing off those women that you have had
2 or 3 dates with and you just know that it is NOT going to work. It works especially well
for those a little on the psycho side that you have no intention of seeing again. Enjoy.

Dear (her name),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become the future Mrs. (your last name). As you are
probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this year and
dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to
make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come
available or I become extremely horny.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were
disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply)

___ Your failure to reach for your purse even in a feigned attempt to
pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of
basic economics.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by
the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for
this position.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___ The only question you asked was how much money I make.

___ You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the
inside after I opened the passenger side door for you.

___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your application.

___ Your surprise at learning Ozzy Osbourne was indeed in another
band prior to "Ozzy" revealed you do not meet my age/music requirements.

___ The fact that you attended the University of Miami and/or root
for the Miami Hurricanes demonstrated that you do not meet my
intelligence requirements.

___ Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis
when it's this small?" were both uncalled for and thoughtless.

___ The way you enthusiastically jumped up on the stage at the
alternative bar and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you
are far too impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to
heterosexuality.

___ Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your
ex-boyfriend to shack up with you again after he "beats that
domestic abuse rap" shows compassion but makes it difficult to take
you seriously.

___ Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount
importance to me, your suggestion that we invite the basketball
team into the bedroom during our sexual encounters so it would be
"just like" your college days seemed somewhat extreme and inappropriate.

___ As a practice I do not normally discriminate against single
mothers, and although I understand the youngster was named for her
father, I do not think "Sturgis, South Dakota" is an appropriate
name for a little girl.

___ Your revelation that you, a 30-year-old, had dated your previous
boyfriend, an alcoholic, for 16 years raised some serious questions
about your mental state.

___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,

Your Name (Optional)